NaPoWriMo Day #8~People and Relationships

So sorry, busy days shall prevail sometimes xD I did not have time to write a poem yesterday (shame on me), so I will post a poem I wrote a few months ago. Hopefully this counts! ❤

Sitting and watching the colors burn out
until they are nothing
keeps the clock ticking and my heart from hurting,
knowing I can’t fix things.

His voice still rings in my ears, the deep throaty words
forcing tears to fall down warmed cheeks, because the room was hot.
[not because I’ve been crying more than ever now]

Distractions are necessary, vital to keep me alive,
knowing if I sit and stare, he will flood my mind and
never leave    and I will be biting my lip.

And cursing the rules
And head-desking my way into insanity.
I don’t know what being in love is like,
and i swear i’m not in love now.

But the symptoms are bright yellows, obvious to even the oblivious. I clutch my head in my
hands and try to wish this awful, sickening pain away.

It decides to set fire in my flesh, screaming so loud in my ears I can’t hear a single thing.
Chatter is muffled, laughter and shouts, car horns and barking dogs      are   all   unheard.

Only him.
Just him.

When words were exchanged, happiness thrived.
But miles away, happiness is lost somewhere on the map.
Faded into the road signs
and route exits,
and the impossibility of ever conquering the distance.

God, please make it stop. Please.

Shaking fingers click goodbye, and heart wrenching responses
sink your spirit into the darkest of eras,
where finding a needle in a haystack is easier.

I don’t know if this is even love?
i just don’t knownapo2015button1

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