I Want To Change

~Originally a song I was working on, and it may still be one after some minor modifications, and of course some guitar accompaniment (always the hardest part)~


Like a call
in the back of my mind,
it is there so faintly waiting.
Though it is small,
its strength is ever shaking
the very sanity
I have left in me.

And what surprises me
is I give in so quickly,
so easily without a moment thinking
seconds later I am on the ground
begging for His mercy.

Every sign I look at points in some other direction.
Why is giving up such a spreading infection?
We  resign ourselves to lack of effort
I guess it makes sense given every single pretence.

But I yearn to change myself
and kill the natural instinct of pain.
I want to grow up far from everything that
has dragged me down    night      and       day.
I want to shed my skin and start looking in
Dust off the cobwebs and get rid of my shame.
I want to let Him in so He can begin
rebuilding from the damage I have made.

One of these days, I’m going to change.

I tell myself every day after every mistake I make
‘It’s just a fall, another slip, it’s definitely not the end.’
I can get a grip, crack a whip, close my eyes and walk away.
I hope I am doing things right,
so much fog still ahead inside of me
but I can see
the hazy edges of light.

Things still break and I quake and sometimes lose my sight;
Turn away, fight the flame but the rotten feelings
somehow still ignite.

And it’s never easy, Rome was not built in a day
Every move I make could possibly break everything I was building.

But I yearn to change myself
and kill the natural instinct of pain.
I want to grow up far from everything that
has dragged me down    night      and       day.
I want to shed my skin and start looking in
Dust off the cobwebs and get rid of my shame.
I want to let Him in so He can begin
rebuilding from the damage I have made.

Let Him begin turning myself into something


For one of these days, I am going to change.


28 thoughts on “I Want To Change

  1. Absolutely amazing. I try to write songs, but I feel as if I just can’t do it. What are your techniques? (It might just be the fact that I’ve never really had anything in my life that could be placed into a song)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Katie, I really appreciate it! And I totally know the struggle, writing songs is a difficult thing to accomplish. And you totally have all sorts of things, I bet, that can be placed in a song. And another great thing is that the song doesn’t have to be about anything you’ve experienced. There are many story-based songs (Wildfire, Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, America by Simon and Garfunkel, etc). You can pull from other people’s lives or famous events and write about them too if you’d like!
      My techniques, well…I play guitar so I usually come up with a chord structure first, then a melody and then the words, but for the past 6 months I haven’t written a single song because I just can’t come up with a melody. So I’m trying something different and writing the lyrics first and then forming a melody and music structure after haha. Basically it’s like writing a poem, but a beat is more important here. My writing is weird, so offering techniques can be difficult xD

      Liked by 1 person

      • Wow!!! That’s amazing! So beautiful! I love writing songs too! 🙂 And playing my guitar! I LOVE your blog! I’ll check it out more later! 😉 😛

        Liked by 1 person

      • You’re welcome!! 😛
        Ooh! I do! I’ve only written…two and a half ( XD ) though! 😉 Ooh! Well…I’m not very good on the Guitar…I only got it…a little more …or a little less…than a year ago! 😛 I MAINLY play the Mandolin! Me and my sisters and our friends have a band! 😛 Would you like to know the name of it?! I like to play bluegrass songs and Gospel songs! They’re SO much fun! 😛 One of my favorite Mandolin…and Guitar.. songs, is Blackberry blossom!!! 😛 It’s cool! And fun! 😉 🙂 Arkansas traveler is another REALLY cool favorite of mine! 😉 🙂 They’re SO fun to play! 😛 I’ve been playing my Mandolin for…4 years…? I think! XD That means I started when I was…8? Probably 7 1/2! 😉 When did you start playing!?

        Liked by 1 person

      • Haha two is better than none! Quality over quantity as they say. You should post them on your blog if you’re comfortable doing that! Oh gosh I LOVE the mandolin. Of course I would love to know the name I hope one day to find more people to firm my own band. I once played with a brother sister duo and their older brother but we’ve lost contact sadly. They played blue grass music and I would play rythm guitar and they played banjo and mandolin! I’ll have to look that song up! I enjoy playing anything really haha but definitely more folksy stuff. That’s awesome! I’ve been playing and learning for a little over 2 years so I’m just a little ahead of you lol! You just have to keep practicing! But the mandolin is so pretty 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • 😛 Hehe! 😛 🙂 Hehe! Maybe….but.. they’re not that great! XD 🙂 Really!? Neat! 🙂
        The name of our band is ‘Into the Son’, that way it works for our bluegrass songs, AND the gospel songs!!!! The people in the band are SO great! They’ve come up with some AMAZING songs! If we ever get good quality videos, I think we should put them on Youtube! But we don’t have any on there yet! 😉 🙂 😛 Cool! That’s neat!!! Oh, that’s too bad. That’s so cool!!! 🙂 Hehe! 😛 Yes! Hehe! XD Except for the Mandolin! 😉 🙂 I’ve been playing it for about 3 and a half or 4 years! 🙂 I don’t play my Guitar in the band, since we have pretty much 3 other ones! XD 😛 Hehe! Yes! Thanks! I think so too!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow. Ok. This had totally inspired me to start writing songs!!!:D Like Megan, I would LOVE to hear this with music!!!
    I play piano, and I tried to start guitar a couple of months ago, but I decided to wait till this summer so I can focus on it more. 😉 Though one of my siblings has learned nine chords in the past two months!!

    Liked by 1 person

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